Accountability

Many years ago, a young lady made me an accountability partner in her love life. It was not because I had more experience in this aspect of life. It meant that I have the responsibility to check up on her promise to be pure until she gets married. By so doing, she gave me the right to meddle in this part of her life in case she has started to go astray.

This kind of accountability is easy. If ever I correct or rebuke her, she can’t blame me. She gave me the permission. I have to exercise my right. And so, I ask her from time to time. And happily, she can look me in the eye.

But there is another kind of accountability. The one that develops through the number of years that a friendship lasts. This one can be a bit tricky. You never know just when you have crossed the line between caring and meddling. It depends on the perspective of the friend whom you are trying to help. It rests on how far a supposedly good friend is already intervening.

Present from the beginning of a courtship, I became concerned for my good girl friend. I sensed something different about her admirer. I could honestly say that the guy was really nice. Yet, I knew somehow that he is not the right guy for her. I couldn’t tell her my inkling. I felt that I would be intervening and that she wouldn’t be listening to me anyway. She was falling. I remained silent. I watched the relationship bloom. Yet in the end, the guy broke her heart. And it was only then that I told her about what I perceived.

Many times, I felt the urging to remind a friend that what he or she is doing is not correct. Most often than not, I disregard these urgings. I opt to be silent with my principle that people would rather learn from their pains and hurts than from the experience or the wisdom of others. I am wondering though. Is this really my only reason? Or maybe I just fear the consequence of my actions?

Until now, I still do not know when to cross the line. I have doubts. I fear the angry reactions. Mostly, the possibility of losing a good friendship.

Maybe I will never learn it. Maybe, what I am meant to do is to provide a ready shoulder when they cry. I can’t help it though. I still feel that I should be doing something more. Prevent them from experiencing the falling of tears.